Thursday, November 6, 2008

Revised presidential projection

Oops. Looks like we were a bit premature in calling Bob Barr the next U.S. President. Apparently it seems that U.S. Senator Barack Obama (D-IL) has won the election. In an extremely close race, Obama has defeated Barr in the popular vote, 52.4% to 0.4%, as well as in the electoral vote, 364 to 0.

U.S. President-elect Barack Obama
(who we now project will narrowly defeat Bob Barr)

The key outcome of this election is a shift in power from George W. Bush of the Dumb Redneck Party to Barack Obama of the Radical Communist Hippie Party. Bob Barr, the candidate supported by the Good Presidents Party, will apparently have to wait until 2012 to run again.

What exactly happened to cause this unexpected outcome, you may ask? One word: COMPLACENCY. Going into election, most polls predicted that Bob Barr would garner (the verb, not Jennifer) between 85% and 90% of the national popular vote. However, when people actually went to the polls, a strange thing that historians may someday refer to as "The Barr Effect" took place: Everyone assumed that everyone else was going to vote for Bob Barr, so they tried to get cute. At this point, approximately 99% of voters thought one of the following thoughts: "My vote doesn't matter anyway, so wouldn't it be awesome if I voted for that guy whose middle name is Hussein who supposedly pals around with terrorists?" or "Dude, everyone else is already voting for Barr, but it would be pretty sweet if I voted for that old geezer who called his wife a trollop that one time." or "Screw it, all of these candidates suck. I'm just going to write-in Ronald McDonald again."

And at this fateful moment, a tragedy of the commons like never before unfolded.

The rest is history.

"Buffalo This" salutes President Barack Obama. Better luck next time, Bob.

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