Stuff indie bands like (#4)

For the fourth part in our series of blatant ripoffs, I'm going to talk about a few things that indie music "artists" like. Note that I do not actually consider music to be art - I'm just using the word "artist" because that's the standard convention.

Avoiding publicity

Indie bands hate publicity, because once everyone knows about them, they become "too mainstream," and their original founders call them "sellouts" and no longer listen to them.

Speaking of which, CHECK OUT THIS AWESOME BAND CALLED "THE MONKEY SHOW." EVERYONE SHOULD LISTEN TO THE MONKEY SHOW AND CHECK OUT THEIR WEBSITE. THEIR SONGS TOTALLY BELONG ON THE BILLBOARD TOP 200 SINGLES CHART! MOVE OVER, MILEY CYRUS! HERE COMES THE MONKEY SHOW!!! OH YEAH!!!

NOTE: For the record, I have no clue who The Monkey Show is and have never listened to any of their songs. They were just the victims of an unfortunately high Google Search ranking. Sorry for completely demolishing your street cred, guys. I just wanted to prove a point. Your latest album will probably now go platinum, which will totally ruin your career.

Knowing more about indie music than you do

If you try to talk to an indie artist, chances are it will go something like this:

You: "Heard the new Black Keys album? Pretty awesome stuff."

Indie artist: "Yeah, I guess. I used to like them about 3 years ago before they sold out. Totally mainstream now."

You: "Yeah...who are you into nowadays?"

Indie artist: "The Burgundy Lawn Gnomes and PGW!? have some good stuff out."

You: "Hmm...can't say I know who those bands are."

Indie artist: "Oh, you wouldn't. They've only been around for a couple weeks or so. I was actually the only person who went to the PGW!? show on Friday. It was excellent. Just wait a couple years - they're going to be totally not huge."

A true indie rocker will never end a conversation before he/she has pulled out the name of a band that the other person has never heard of. Also expect the person to call any band you name "too mainstream" or "sellouts" and to brag about how small the crowd was at a recent concert that he/she attended.

Monkey shows

Nobody knows why, but indie music artists eat this stuff up like Al Gore eats up bacon-wrapped chili cheese dogs. Indie artists sometimes even like monkey shows enough to consider naming their bands after them. Maybe it's because when you're hopped up on all kinds of mind-altering drugs, there is nothing as awesome as watching a monkey wearing a cowboy hat ride a dog around a racetrack. I mean nothing.