Thursday, September 4, 2008

Bloggin' ain't easy

Rob Schneider in drag 500 hits. Well, almost 600 actually. Wow, seems like just a few weeks ago we were celebrating the big 1-0-0. It's only a matter of time before that number reaches 100,000,000,000. But let's not get ahead of ourselves. Blogging is tiring - it's not easy coming up with new stupid stuff to talk about every day or two. Now I know how the screenplay writers for all those Rob Schneider movies must have felt!

Nope, bloggin' ain't easy. Makes pimping look like a regular walk in the park! (Believe me, I would know. What do you think my day job is?)

Still, despite publicity efforts often bordering on desperate, "Buffalo This" has to my knowledge failed to make it on a single blogroll. Not a single blog in the vast, almighty blogosphere has deemed this blog worthy of a small link on the right side of its main page, despite my efforts to establish a rapport (read: incessantly annoy) the writers of related blogs. A more detailed post about this tragedy may be coming in the next few days.

Still, 500 hits ain't too bad. To see how we got there, let's take a look back at a timeline showing the key events in the long, storied history of this blog:

10,000 B.C.
Modern-day buffalo evolve (or are "intelligently designed," depending on what you believe) in North America.

The city of Buffalo, New York is founded. This name is chosen over "Beau Fleuve," representing the first of many important symbolic victories over the despicable French.

Teressa Bellisimo invents buffalo wings at the Anchor Bar in Buffalo, NY. All other foods are declared officially obsolete.

The stork drops me at an unfortunate couple's doorstep. A chain of events is set in motion that eventually causes a ridiculously stupid, sophomoric - well actually more like freshmanic - blog to come into existence roughly 25 years later.

"Buffalo This" is born. I realize I'm now a celebrity and sort of freak out. Come on - not like you wouldn't do the same.

First post on the buffalo phenomenon. Critics are astounded by its complexity yet simplicity.

After a brilliant flash of inspiration, I expand the buffalo phenomenon to an unprecedented 18 buffaloes. The world sits open-mouthed in awe for a few minutes.

"Buffalo This" gets its 100th hit and we throw a huge bash to celebrate. We play Edward 40-hands and Regis Philbin and I get absolutely plastered.

As a publicity stunt, I bet Joe Keane $500 that the Large Hadron Collider will not destroy the earth on

"Bison That" emerges as a rival to "Buffalo This." So far it has turned out to be a real flash in the pan.

Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys and I release a single called "Buffalo" to the tune of "Kokomo." It rockets to the top of the charts in 15 different countries.

"Buffalo This" officially moves to Buffalo, NY, but keeps its real physical location in the San Francisco Bay Area.

Someone clicks on a link somewhere, becoming the 500th person to visit this site and probably about the 495th to regret doing so within about 10 seconds. In an unrelated event, I get a concussion while playing softball due to a poorly placed sprinkler - as if the posts on this blog needed to get any less intelligent.

Anyway, thanks to all of the billions - ok, hundreds - of people who took the time out of their busy days of wasting time on the internet to check out this blog! In the rare event that you didn't find what you read too offensively idiotic, don't forget to vote for "Buffalo This" on!


M.G. Helm IV said...

Well done, keep on keepin' on buddy.
BTW...Go Bills!

Nick said...

Thanks for the support. Don't worry, I will keep on doing what I do, ad nauseum.

As long as there is injustice in the world, as long as Us Weekly photographers hound me mercilessly, as long as Rob Schneider keeps putting out classic movies, as long as buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo, "Buffalo This" will be there to provide idiotic commentary on it all.

Who links to me?