Fame don't buffalo me

Now that "Buffalo This" is another wayward piece of crap floating around in the almighty blogosphere, the real challenge to this business has become evident: getting people to give a shit about your blog. I started this thing with the very reasonable and practical goal of getting 1 million regular readers by the end of July 2008. I'm not going to rule anything out yet, but as of now making that goal does not look very likely. As far as I know, nobody has commented on my posts (Can't I even get some obnoxious idiot to write "FIRST!!!" on one of the comment boards? Come on!), and at last count I have one regular reader - myself - and maybe some irregular readers - people that have stumbled upon this blog from a Google search or the link to my blog on Wikipedia's Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo page that some Big Brotheresque censorship-happy douchebag keeps deleting. Once I start spreading news of this blog to friends and family by word of mouth, maybe I'll get a few more readers. But it's a long way to 1 million.

On a different note, being a celebrity has not been nearly as tough as I expected it to be. (Note to the staff of "Us Weekly": I am NOT having an affair with Scarlett Johansson or Jessica Alba. We are just friends, seriously!) I really don't get why the stars complain so much. Of course it is a little annoying having to avoid doing things like going to the club without underwear or keeping questionable photos on my cell phone. It could just be that this is so easy for me because I am not the type to be easily buffaloed by the paparazzi - maybe some of the other celebs out there who aren't as tough as I am let the 'razzi get into their dome piece more than I do. Being a celebrity does have its perks however. Being super-loaded and having millions of people who idolize you are great, but nothing is as satisfying as being able to say to yourself in the mirror every morning, "Lookin' good there chief (I call myself 'chief' a lot). People worship you. You are the f***ing man!!!" Until you're famous you have no idea how great that is. A lyric from David Bowie's song "Fame" comes closest to describing the feeling: "Fame!" That should give you a pretty clear picture of what it's like.

Let's get to 1 million! Or at least 10! Come on, anyone?