Thursday, July 31, 2008

A real shit show

It's a crazy simulated world we live in. Every now and then you come across something that's just totally NCAA: Not Cool At All. One of those things is a little game that the Japanese call "kancho," the Koreans call "ddong chim," and I call "f***ing disgusting."

Before I tell you what this is: let me warn you, it is not for the faint of heart. It's a real shit show. A real fecal festival. A real dump demonstration. A real crap carnival. A real poop parade. A real doo-doo display. A real excrement expo. A real scat spectacle.

This little game apparently started in either Japan or Korea, but my money goes on the Japanese based on the fact that they have been the world's leading exporter of weird, awkward, and disturbing things every year since 1957. So...without further ado...from the people who brought you awesome cultural phenomena like vending machines that sell schoolgirls' used panties and weird cartoon porn where people have sex with monsters.......IIIIIIIIIITTT'S SHIT NEEDLE!!!

Shit Needle
Yes, it's shit needle. That's actually the literal translation of the Korean "ddong chim," according to this goofy blog post. The point of this game is to surprise someone by sticking your finger up his or her butthole. That's it. Your finger, someone's butt. Sounds like a blast, right?

One interesting thing about this game is that the position you're supposed to assume when shit needling is down on one knee with both hands together and both index fingers pointed buttward. One unfortunate consequence of this position is that in the rare case that you run into one of the few people who doesn't enjoy an unexpected finger shoved up his or her tailpipe, you're in the perfect position to receive a swift kick to the head that's sure to wipe that "Ha ha - I just rammed my finger up your sphincter!" smirk right off your face.

Some reverse peer pressure:

Shit-needling nerdfest

If you think that "shit needle" is the cat's pajamas and all the cool kids are doing it, take a look at the above picture. If those people in the foreground look like "the cool kids" to you, then I bet you're the type of guy who knows Planck's constant to 5 significant figures and could give me a pretty good description of how it feels to spend the better part of a day trapped in a locker.

So kids, I urge you, please try to resist the temptation to go around shit needling. I mean if you're going to do anything needle-related, it should be shooting up heroin.

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