Sunday, July 20, 2008

Fantasy Fantasy Baseball

Fantasy Fantasy BaseballI have been a fantasy baseball and football player for many years and really enjoy the game. But then again I am extremely hardcore - I used to play REAL baseball in high school. For some people, fantasy baseball and football are a little too close to the action. I mean dealing with real players and using real stats makes for a pretty intense game. If you are one of these people, do not worry because there is a game for you: fantasy fantasy baseball (and football too!).

Unlike fantasy sports where you put together a team of your favorite Your grannysports stars and get points based on how well they perform, fantasy fantasy sports is a game where you put together a team of your favorite fantasy sports players and get points based on how well their fantasy sports teams do. For example, in the first round of a typical fantasy fantasy baseball draft, you might pick someone like ESPN's fantasy sports expert Matthew Berry and in the last round you might pick someone like...I don't know...your grandma, or someone.

So for those of you who are looking to get into the exciting world of fantasy fantasy sports, here are my top three tips for putting together a winning team:

1) Don't draft the league douchebag.
Nobody likes the guy who's always saying things like "Yeah! I got Tom Brady, bitches!" or "Your mom was really good last night. No, seriously, dude, I'm not even joking, she was. Dude. Really." People will not want to trade with this guy. That will hurt his team, which will in turn hurt your team.

2) Try to pick up players who can keep a cool head.
Is Bob from Baltimore going to drop Evan Longoria just because of a bad run of games or because he's tired of his wife sitting around watching "Desperate Housewives" DVDs all day? You do NOT want an impulsive player like that on your team.

3) Always look for upside.
Who would you rather have on your team: the grizzled vet who has finished in the middle of the pack each of the last five seasons or the promising newcomer who has had a rough go at it so far but has showed flashes of brilliance like when he grabbed Edinson Vólquez off waivers early this season? The first one? No. You're wrong, idiot. It's the second one.

Why play baseball when you can play FANTASY baseball? And why play fantasy baseball when you can play FANTASY fantasy baseball? Why sit at field level on the 50-yard line when you can hang out in the nosebleed section? If there's anything more exciting than being part of the action, it's being as far away from the action as possible. If EA Sports' slogan is "It's in the game," Fantasy Fantasy Sports' slogan is something like, "It's pretty damn far from the game, because let's face it, 'the game' is just way too intense for people like you."

Coming soon: fantasy video games, fantasy office jobs, fantasy fantasy fantasy baseball, and even combined fantasy leagues. ("All right! Karen from Dallas got promoted to Assistant Director of Marketing, A-Rod hit two homers, AND Kenny from Brooklyn got a new high score in Guitar Hero! Woo hoo, 12 points for me! Eat that! Who's the man?")

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