Monday, July 21, 2008

The people demand buffalo!

Buffalo strip
Recently we took a poll of 10,000 regular readers of this blog and asked what they want to read more about. Almost every one gave the same answer: "More buffalo!!!" Well, ask and you shall receive...

Let me start with one important fact that you absolutely must take note of: for any number from 1 to infinity, you can compose a sentence out of exactly that many buffaloes. Let's go through a few examples:
1) "Buffalo!" Here I am either telling you to go and do some buffaloing, pointing out a herd of buffalo, or directing your attention to the city of Buffalo.
2) "Buffalo buffalo." Here I am telling you to go and buffalo some buffalo. (Seriously, go do it right now.)
More than 15) At this point you still have a technically valid sentence, although it is a run-on and involves a large number of buffalo involved in a complex hierarchical structure of buffaloing. This is not realistic. Let me tell you, I have been around a few buffalo in my days, and the fact of the matter is that if you're a buffalo then you're pretty much going to be either a buffaloer or a buffaloee. I've never seen a situation where Buffalo A buffaloes Buffalo B who buffaloes Buffalo C, who gets buffaloed by Buffalo D but buffaloes Buffalo E, and so on. Contrary to popular belief, that amount of buffaloing just doesn't happen. I am the expert and I would know.

Buffalo strip
Got it? Ok, now it's time for me to blow your mind. Recent research has produced the greatest discovery since the invention of the internet (or the cell phone, or whatever the last really huge thing was): it may be possible to expand the buffalo sentence by three additional buffaloes without making it a run-on sentence, or even a less elegant one. 18 buffaloes. I am not kidding.

Ready? Now bear with me on this one. As you are probably aware, you can add a modifier to a verb that gives it a more specific meaning. You can nap, and then you can cat-nap. You can paddle, and then you can doggy paddle. I can surprise you, and then I can Cincinnati Surprise you. As you are probably aware, the verb "to buffalo" is a versatile one that can have three different unique meanings: 1) to intimidate, 2) to confuse, and 3) to deceive. As you can imagine, there are many different ways to buffalo someone (or some buffalo).

Buffalo strip
Now imagine there is a certain way to buffalo someone that is typical of the city of Buffalo. So I can buffalo you, and then I can Buffalo buffalo you. Alternatively, imagine there is a certain way of buffaloing that buffalo typically do. You could call this type of buffaloing "buffalo buffaloing." Still another possibility is that I could buffalo you with buffalo sauce, such as throwing a pail full of buffalo sauce on you to confuse (i.e. buffalo) you. That could also be buffalo buffaloing. Let's use the second of those meanings and construct a sentence of the same form as the original 15 buffalo sentence, except with each verb "buffalo" being replaced with "buffalo buffalo." Here goes:
Buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo.

Behold a true thing of beauty. You will never see the world in the same way again.

"Jordan fades back...SWISH!...and that's the game!"

The Buffalo Master is really going to hate me now.

Buffalo strip

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