Kids these days...

There comes a day for each of us when we realize we're no longer spring chickens and that we should just throw in the towel and start going to bridge club and watching "Welcome Back, Kotter" reruns all day. The big sign for me was not someone pointing out my excessive use of the phrase, "Eh, sonny? Eh?" or loss of bowel control, but a more nebulous combination of things such as only recognizing 2 or 3 songs on the Billboard pop chart, no longer being able to make much solid contact at the 85mph batting cage, being ridiculed about my age at a college beirut tournament, identifying with Toby Keith's song "As Good as I Once Was," and not getting what the hell this "Hannah Montana" craze is all about. Yes, at the ripe old age of 25 I finally understand the difficulties of the senior life.

So for one time and only one time, I'm going to stoop to the level of far inferior and less popular blogosphere member Perez Hilton and look at what kids these days are up to, from an old fart's perspective.


"Bobby, that woman is the devil!"

Who in tarnation is this floozy Amy Winehouse supposed to be? I guess she had one big song or something. Is it really that easy to be a huge celebrity these days that this dirty British tore up from the floor up crack whore can do it? I mean it's not like she writes a hilarious blog or anything. What's the big deal?


Soap opera stars and cheesy 80's pop singers invade baseball

So the balloting for the final two players to make the 2008 Major League Baseball All-Star game is finished, and the winners are: Evan Longoria, star of "Desperate Housewives," and Corey Hart, best known for his 1984 single "Sunglasses at Night." What is this world coming to where our national pastime has been corrupted by celebrities with little or no baseball talent? Hell, Amy Winehouse would probably be on the Kansas City Royals' roster if she didn't violate the league's substance abuse policy. Heavens to Betsy!

Disney gone wild

Back in my day, the big Disney Channel stars were cartoon mice and the like. Now the star of some "High School Musical" show that young'uns supposedly consider to be the cat's pajamas gets caught sending pornographic images of herself to her ambiguously gay co-star/boyfriend. Well I never! Isn't there any sense of decency in the world anymore? I want my kids watching Sesame Street, not common street trash!


Kids these days, I tell you, I could go on forever with war stories from my time in 'Nam or valuable "when I was your age" anecdotes, but unfortunately I just crapped my pants. Oops.